Four Ways to Build a Deeper Connection with your Partner

Do you find that you and your partner have drifted apart over time?  Do you feel lonely in your relationship, like you have a roommate instead of a partner?  Just like a garden, a relationship needs regular attention and some key ingredients in order to thrive.  Whether your relationship is brand new or you’ve been together for decades, here are four key ingredients to rebuilding connection with your partner.

Communicate 

Talk to your partner, especially if you tend to be quiet.  And while there’s no harm in letting your partner know what you ate for lunch that day, this isn’t really the kind of communication I’m talking about.  It might help to think about what you talked about when you first got together.  Think values, hopes, and dreams.  Also, are you stressed out right now?  Have you been feeling down?  Is there any way your partner can support you?  This is the sort of deeper communication that will strengthen your bond and shorten the distance between you.

Listen 

You knew this was next, right?  I wasn’t going to just tell you to start talking without also asking you to listen to your partner as well.  When listening, you want to give verbal and nonverbal cues that you’re paying attention.  In order for your partner to feel safe and supported, it’s also key to be nonjudgmental and also to avoid giving advice unless it is specifically asked for.  Just listening to your partner’s problems without trying to fix them can do a lot of good.

Stay curious 

As relationships grow older, it’s natural for curiosity to wane.  We start to assume that we know everything there is to know about our partners and sometimes feel we ourselves have nothing else to say.  In the best relationships, however, partners make a habit of being curious about each other’s inner lives: they make fewer assumptions and ask more questions. 

Make time for each other

If you have to pencil it into your schedule, do it.  Find a time for just the two of you to be together, doing something that you enjoy.  What you do doesn’t matter as much as the fact that you are fully present in the moment, sharing the moment with your partner.